… character that counts, adjectives that don’t
Reading Chanel Miller’s book has been a slow process for me. It’s beautifully written, but her perceptions are so familiar… too familiar. Women should be able to relate for thousands of other reasons. Not this. I make it three or four pages, and I have to set the book down again.
Tonight, the moment I had to put it down came after the words, “Why was he excellent, excellent… wonderful, wonderful?”
Chanel has just described coming across the news article announcing Brock Turner’s arrest. After laying out the 5 felony charges, there is a quote from someone who describes Brock as excellent, wonderful.
“Excellent, excellent… wonderful, wonderful.”
The book went down, my head bent forward. I wrapped my arms around my knees, and I let the angry tears flow.
–
“Fine, upstanding….” I don’t remember what came after… the words trailed off just like they did for Chanel Miller. But those are the words someone used to describe DJ when they heard he was resigning from the school district. Forced out by a bitter ex-girlfriend, according to the narrative he had spread among those connected to him.
And that’s just fine, because I know that I am not that person. And the people who know me know it also. True character yields far more power than any words the weak may throw.
… It yields far more powerful adjectives, too.
Excellent, wonderful, fine, upstanding… it won’t be the last time that these words are used to describe people who have done horrendous things. But somewhere in between the angry tears, I realized… do I care if these are the adjectives people use?
They are generic and superficial… indicative of a relationship that is equally so.
Plus, in the case of DJ, there was a common reaction among every coworker when they were told about the rape. A moment of shock immediately followed by “But yeah, I can see it.”
So, at the end of the day, if someone uses excellent, wonderful, fine… I know they’re just sh**ty adjectives to describe sh**ty people. And for DJ, I’m even kinda okay with the word upstanding. Not because he is honest or respectable, but because he does technically have the ability to stand up— just that it’s on two legs. In no way does he know how to stand up for what is right.
But more than anything, I’m okay with it because the words that matter are words that carry real depth and meaning. They convey who a person truly is: fierce, loyal, brave, strong, courageous, resourceful, daring, authentic, unashamed, true to self, a person of dignity.
When you are this person, you don’t need to construct a narrative. You are the narrative.